Trial Style.

So.. as you guys know I wanted this hairstyle after seeing the bride on a photographers website. I loved everything about the style. It looked great with long hair, worked with a veil, and it was simple but still kinda' fancy. Most of all, if I was rocking out and sweating and having fun, and the style started to come apart, I could just take the pins out, wear my hair down, and it would look fine.

So I got a trial, and taa-daa! Here it is. What do you think? After a night of partying, it was still mostly intact.

Angry rant.

(I posted this on my other blog too, so skip it if you read it there, it's the same thing.)I've obviously been thinking about marriage a lot lately. Not just WEDDINGS, although I am thinking about that too, but MARRIAGE. About what it means to be married and about what a big deal it is, and kids, and having kids with Matt, and what problems we'll have, and how we'll deal with them, etc.

NY Magazine had this really stupid cover article out last week or whenever, entitled "The Affairs of Men - The trouble with sex and marriage". I am afraid to post a link to it, because I know that NY Mag put this article on the cover BECAUSE it would get people's attention. I think it's almost encouraging a magazine to put out terrible articles when I draw attention to it myself. I am definitely not BUYING this magazine, at least. Anyway, it was about marriage, so I read it, and I have to say, it was the most selfish, immature thing I've read in a long time. I think the wife of this writer needs to really take a long look at her marriage, because she married a douche.

The article starts off like this: When the Eliot Spitzer scandal broke in March, I had only sympathy for him: another middle-aged married guy tormented by his sexual needs. Already, I know this guy is coming from a land of make-believe. I DO feel sympathy for people unsatisfied in their marriages - whether it's emotionally, sexually, whatever - because it's a bad situation and I don't want anyone to feel that way. However, to feel ONLY sympathy for a man who had FREQUENT, UNPROTECTED SEX WITH A PROSTITUTE, and then went home to his wife and LIED to her - ONLY sympathy?! Basically, because this man wants to have sex outside his own marriage, he has transformed a liar into a victim.

My biggest problem with the article, is that it looks at infidelity from a VERY narrow perspective - the perspective of middle class/wealthy older men (or as he calls them: "enlightened affluent boomers" - how gross is it to hear someone call themselves "enlightened"? SPARE ME)- and assumes that the perspective of these wealthy men is the only perspective that matters. I didn't think journalists did that anymore now that they all go to college and have to take at least one humanities class. When he goes into how superior Europeans are, (even if sometimes, the wives of these European men are "suffering")I just want to puke.

"What did it mean about men — and marriage — that [A sex scandal from a man with a "hot wife" who was known for public moralizing] was possible?" The article assumes that only men have a problem with being faithful to one partner. That men alone bear this heavy burden of fidelity. That women don't desire the excitement of a new sexual experience. "An article of faith among the men with whom I discussed these issues (and an idea ignored, if not contested, by most of the women I know) was that the hunger for sexual variety was a basic and natural and more or less irresistible impulse." Now, again, he "discussed these issues" with men, but when it comes to women, he's sure it's an idea they have ignored or contested. It just makes my head spin. NY Magazine PUBLISHED this as THEIR COVER article.

Of course it's not just the male, but the HETEROSEXUAL male perspective that matters. In a paragraph where Weiss praises his own "enlightened" generation (of course) for changing a great number of sexual mores and traditions, he laments that monogamy has so far withstood the revolutionary impulse. He then uses this example: "[NY Congressman]Fossella is being pilloried for having an affair, while his sister Victoria Fossella, according to published reports, is openly gay, lives with a partner, and has adopted children that her partner has borne." In other words, people can't seem to get over someone lying and cheating on their wife, but seem to have no problem with a gay couple. Can someone please explain to me why someone should be "pilloried" for having a committed partner, and for adopting that partner's children? I think it's a beautiful thing to adopt your partner's children!

The whole thing is an argument I've heard before from all sorts of sources. But this article makes it somehow the most sexist, offensive things I've read in awhile. When Weiss visits a "handsome townhouse on the Upper East Side" to talk to the female president of the Ackerman Institute for the Family, he asks her what she thinks of a man with a wife "uninterested in sex" (although, we can suppose, she might just be uninterested in sex WITH HIM) - who goes out and gets "lap dances and maybe a little more" on the side. Again, Weiss sympathizes with a man who is lying to his wife. When this woman claims that the marriage could still fulfill this man's needs, and doubted the husband's claim that his wife was completely "uninterested in sex" -"We know that age does not end sexual arousal or interest, we know that’s a myth. Was there some argument about something else, feelings hurt?" Weiss blames her gender "the old male-female morality play" - and says she was "missing the point, and making[him] feel guilty". When really, and throughout this article, WEISS IS THE ONE MISSING THE POINT. these are only the first few paragraphs, he goes into more disgusting displays further on.

When you get married, above all else, you promise to love your partner. To love, honor, and CHERISH your partner. To treat your partner with RESPECT. I 100% expect Matt to be attracted to other women during our marriage, he is a human being, and I expect to be attracted to other people too! I think it's foolish to get married expecting your partner not to think about other people sexually. That is one of the challenges of any marriage. Every couple has to deal with this natural, normal conflict in their own way.

Again, staying faithful is hard for BOTH partners. I know SO MANY women that have cheated on boyfriends and done sketchy things - and I think that men like Weiss like to assume that women aren't into sex when they just aren't into their sexist, selfish husbands. The women got a lot from the affairs... passion and a sense of themselves as sexual. - Weiss of course, likes the idea that women have affairs to FEEL a certain way, not because they want a good deep dicking and might be in a marriage where they are sexually unfufilled themselves, or because they might get curious about about what sex feels like with different people. No, with women it's all about our EMOTIONS. YOU ARE WRONG, WEISS.

People can be stupid, insecure and selfish, and sometimes, persuaded into doing horrible things if it makes them feel good about themselves. This whole article was basically a disgusting display of a man trying to make himself feel better about wanting to do something that would hurt his wife. When his wife says "Fine, let's have an open marriage" and he refuses, Weiss really thinks he is taking some sort of moral high ground, when he is really just adhering to a vow HE WILLINGLY MADE. "YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS!"

Weiss SIGNED UP for marriage, he KNEW WHAT IT WAS. If he and his wife couldn't talk openly about sex, and openly about their attraction to other people, and find something that works for them, well... that sucks. Likewise, Weiss knew when he was married that eventually he would be older and so would his wife, and she wouldn't look like a 20-something hooker from Jersey - but that his middle-aged wife would remain his sole sexual partner. If he really can only get it going for hot tattooed waitresses (how cliched is that?), and isn't making an effort to be sexual with his partner, he shouldn't be married. He has BACKED OUT ON HIS VOW. He failed the marriage and the promise he made. So little in this article touches on what Weiss thinks HE could do to stay faithful to his marriage, what other men (and of course women, even if he doesn't believe we have the same feelings)feeling similarly could do. Weiss takes the role of a victim of societal pressure - THIS WEALTHY WHITE GUY IS UNDER SO MUCH PRESSURE FROM SOCIETY. THE POOR THING - and looks at the problems of MARRIAGE in general rather than the problems in his own. He doesn't own up to anything.

I know, this is all easy for someone engaged to say. I know Weiss put himself out there and it's eay to criticize. I just think he's full of it, and that NY Mag is n awful rag for printing this. I 100% think that marriage is hard, that it's going to be difficult for Matt and I even if we love each other, and even if we try our best to be as open as possible about sex and everything else, we might run into all sorts of issues and think selfishly and act selfishly. I know that marriage IS an old idea and maybe it SHOULD be re-examined, I think thinking about it and talking about it can only be good... but not like this. This article was terrible. Just, UGH - the minute I start feeling sorry for myself for having a loving, committed partner, just punch me, OK? because I obviously don't deserve it.

I see drunk people

OK, so... I picked St. Augustine's because it felt warm and inviting, and not like some of those creepy big old churches, right? Well, I found out it's the church from The Sixth Sense, so there goes the "not creepy" part. I sent in my deposit anyway, because I like the church so much. I still don't have a priest to marry us, but I am being optomistic. I wish these guys would call me back. So... that's good! Something done!

So far I have the DJ selected (meeting with them on June 28th), the videographer selected (those kids from college), I have two leads on florists, several quotes from Bus companies for a shuttle to and from the aquarium for the drunks... I really need to book my photographer next. The photographer is causing me a ton of anxiety. Every photographer's portofolio is filled with outdoor shots, and I'm not impressed. It's EASY to make two smiling 20/30 somethings look good in natural light. I need someone that can make people look good in terrible lighting, and I've been unimpressed with what I have found so far for my budget of <$4K. ACK! The photos are so important!

On a good note, I downloaded GIMP and I was able to make a few goofy save the dates for friends, which I plan to print onto magnets with vistaprint ASAP. I want to use the engagement photos for the family ones, but I need to pick the photographer first. I definitely want engagement photos, it's my one chance to get a feel for the photographer. ACK!!

Churchin'

So like, I think we found a church? It's a great little church in Philly, right by the Jersey border (easy trip to Camden for the reception), and it even has a parking lot! Matt and I went to a Mass last Sunday (we went to FOUR MASSES IN A ROW - crazy), and we got a chance to get a "feel" for the place and it's Parish.

The Parish is very Filipino, with a dose of Latin American/Mexican, which is different than any church I've been to (I am used to Irish Catholic and especially Italian Catholic Parishes). Perhaps as a result, everyone there knew each each other and there was a real feeling of community. In a lot of big city churches, you have people that are coming from other places, not a lot of neighborhood regulars, and I noticed the community/family feel with this church right away. It was FULL of cute kids, they were having a baptism, and when people "offered a sign of peace" - they didn't shake hands with strangers, they KNEW the person behind them and smiled with recognition / gave hugs. I LOVED that. They had a bunch of things written in Spanish, and they do this whole "Santo Nino" thing too. Because it was the first weekend of May, a pre-teen girl walked up the aisle and placed a crown of flowers on a statue of Mary. Random (I think) parishioners that weren't sitting with her or her family were snapping photos with their camera phones. Plus, they had all these activities and community outreach programs. All these great Catholic rituals and traditions! Families! Parish picnics! BABIES! It had everything, in a church that was the PERFECT size - not too big, not too small, not too plain.

Plus, it has a cool history. People tried to burn it down. From their website: In the 1840's, sentiment against the growing number of Irish Catholic immigrants was inflamed by the press. The recently created Native American Party, later known as the "No Nothings", complained against the naturalization of immigrants. On May 8, 1844, after three days of anti-Catholic rioting, the mob burned the church and rectory. Also destroyed was one of the finest theological libraries in the United States, containing 3,000 volumes. The Augustinian Church sued in court and rebuilt the church with the funds awarded. This case was one of the first tests of the rights of citizens to religious freedom under the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, thereby affirming William Penn's 1701 Charter of privileges. So it sorta' stands for Religious freedom! That's cool!

Anyway, I am clearly in love with the place, right? So imagine my surprise when I call their wedding coordinator and find that they HAVE MY WHOLE DAY OPEN, and I can pick my time from 3 choices. I am bursting with joy, only to hear her tell me that there is a wrinkle to all this... they are switching all the priests out - or at least two, and one is the head guy. I was disappointed, because I loved the Priest that did the Homily and Baptism, and I wanted him. But there is more to it than that. I need to actually get my OWN Priest to marry us. To be fair, they will accommodate him and help me with all related paperwork, and the church fee is pretty low for a city church... but man, I'm not from Philly! I told the coordinator to hold the time slot I wanted for me, and I started thinking.

So I found a Church, but now I need a Priest? Yikes! On the one hand. this is a great opportunity for us to have a service that is personal to us and meaningful. On the other hand, we are not exactly super-parishioners at any church, and can we find someone willing to travel and marry us?

Stay tuned...

MAY DAY

What's cooler than paying $40 + for a wedding website? Making your own with google pages and buying a fun URL from godaddy.com (I love you, Danica Patrick!). I don't want to post the URL here, but if you know me in "real life" I'll e-mail it to you. It's a work in progress but I LOVE IT.

We are finally choosing our church this weekend, which is great because I am a basket case about it. I broke one of the first rules of Catholic wedding planning: BOOK THE CHURCH FIRST, and now I am freaking out. I feel like I say "there are four May saturdays a year" 80 times a day to myself. Philadelphia is a very Italian city, so there are a lot of great churches (and man, great Italian resturants/bakeries in South philly OMG), but there are also a lot of CATHOLICS WHO WANT THE CHURCHES. They are going to give priority to the members of their own Parish, and this all makes me nervous. So I can't wait to have this done. I pretty much know who I want for flowers, photos, music and everything else (year of research, people), but I want to wait to book them until I get the Church.

Hopefully, there will be nice bride before or after me, I would love to split the cost of flowers with her. Friggin' flowers. SO UN-INTERESTED IN FLOWERS.

Getting married in May was my choice, there is a reason why it's so popular, it's going to be beautiful. But it is definitely making things more competitive.

Arpita and Kate go to the sample sale.

I posted this story in my "real" blog - my live journal, but I wanted it here for posterity. Monkey and Rose should feel free to skip. I tried on some dresses with my mom when I was first engaged - about a year ago. It was just goofy fun, I wasn't looking to buy AT ALL. Today was different - I had fantasies of getting my dress for cheap and having it all tailored up and looking nice. I knew what i wanted this time and when I tried on the dresses... I really liked them. I am getting closer. None of them were "the one", but some were close.

Arpita came into our hometown at 12:30am last night, stayed up with me until 2am talking about MY WEDDING - a subject that is inexhaustible for me right now and I know is very boring - and then woke up 3.5 hours later at 5:30, took a cold, low-pressure shower in my parents' infuriating bathroom, and set out with me to the sample sale. Determined to get there early and be at the head of the line. We psyched ourselves up to fight. To pry the lace dresses out of these other dames hands, to snatch, to tear, to do whatever it took.

We pulled up to Priscilla of Boston - Shorthills - at 6:45am... and we were the only people there. Whoops. We headed out to "Bagels-4-U", had egg sanwhiches, returned after 7, and parked in an empty parking lot. We sat on the steps and laughed at my insanity, until brides saw us and started coming out of cars. We still only numbered about 7 when the store opened, and there was no wailing or gnashing of teeth. We were each permitted three dresses, and we were then led into little rooms to try the gowns on. I found one that was perfect - but it was $ 950, the high end for the sample sale (marked down from $4,200) and it had quite a few tearings in the lace. I wasn't going for it. I found another (pictured) where the lace was in PERFECT condition, but the seamstress in attendance said the dress could not be made strapless, and it was already not a mermaid cut. It was only $300! I almost did it. But then I reminded myself that it wasn't what I wanted, and that I was just getting "discount-fever". My wedding is over a year away, there will be many other sample sales.

I highly recommend a sample sale. You get to try on dress after dress without a sales staff trying to pressure you into anything - which is really invaluable. I didn't come away with a dress, but I came away feeling VERY good about the kind of dress I want, even the kind of lace.

The number one thing I came away with, though, is so much love and admiration for Arpita, who was genuinely excited for the whole experience and for me. When I think about it I get a little emotional (I'm tired, shut up), but she really is the greatest and I love her so much.

If you think your films are scary, you should see my wedding budget.

OK, this is hilarious, but I found these two dudes from my film club in college on the knot (I was the president, of course). The guys do wedding/corporate video now, but I remember them as kids who were obsessed with horror movies. I HAVE to have them do my wedding, and I can get a good 2-camera package for under $1,500 from them, so I am excited. I e-mailed them today: Emerald Productions. I hope we can somehow work fake blood into the video... we ARE having sharks at the wedding...

About.com had an article today on the "Top 5 Biggest Wedding Money Wasters". Here is how Matt and I rate according to the article on the top 5, which are:
1.)Meaningless and Expensive Wedding Favors - we want to donate to a charity instead. Our do-gooder friends and family will be into that.
2.)Endless Bride and Groom Swag - I DO want that "Sexy Little Bride" hoodie from Victoria's Secret. I'll admit it. I'M FROM NEW JERSEY. But I refuse to buy it for myself, so it's not coming from the wedding fund, at least. I also can't find anything that says "Soon to be Ms. ____" on it, they all say "Soon to be MRS. _____" and I refuse to be Mrs. anything. CALL ME MS.
3.)Huge Wedding Cakes - I am really so not into the cake, I know ours will be simple and tasty. Not some huge $500 structure that took a week to make and is now stale.
4.)Too Many Mementos - I do want the video, I know I'll watch it (my family were always big video/photo people)but I not intend to buy any personalized pens or cake cutters or stuff like that.
5.)Too Many Bridesmaids and Groomsmen - Well, I have three sisters, what do you want? 6 Bridesmaids is a lot, but I feel very good about my decision in this regard. Honestly, I wanted more, but Matt insisted on just having his three brothers, so more than twice the amount of maids to groomsmen seemed really excessive.

How do you rate with these top 5?

So glad we maid it.

See a photographer this Sunday! Spoke to a priest and I am rolling! Talking to a hair dresser about a $30 hair trail!

I am going to a sample sale this Friday morning, so I am thinking about my own dress, I swear, but I spent some time today thinking about Bridesmaids too. I offered black dresses up to my maids, but they all said they were cool with a light blue. I like an aqua blue, but I realize that not everyone does, so I need to curb my impulses to pick some crazy aqua nightmare.

I can't really explain fully how outrageous I think the bridesmaid dress thing is. They will have to pay 200+ for a gown they will never wear, plus they will have to pay around $100 for alterations. I think it's a racket, I think it's unnecessary. I want my BM's dresses to be off the rack, ready to wear, and under $200. This has less to do with inconveniencing my bridesmaids, and more to do with how disgusted I am getting with the wedding "industry". The groomsmen can rent a tux!

I have beautiful, young bridesmaids and I like the idea of them in knee or tea-length contemporary designs. What I planned on doing is picking a material and a color, and letting the dames pick their dress from a place like Ann Taylor or J.Crew.... so they can order it online and so that they can pick the style themselves - and maybe like it better. I don't really care if I see my sister in this dress again or not, but I care that she LOOKS like she could wear it again. With my huge bridal party, I also think a casual, pretty, young-style dress will look better.

Ann Taylor:
Color is "Cornflower Blue", Material is silk dupioni. Here are the two dress styles they can pick with that color and material right now:
One, Two.

There is also a flowergirl dress that is adorable and not so frilly.

J.Crew:
Color is "BRIGHT AQUAMARINE", Material is silk chiffon. Here are the three dress styles they can pick: One, Two, Three.

If they don't mind wearing the same dress and like any of these, they can do these:

I like this dress, it's all three of the wedding colors (aqua, gold, white) and it's different and inexpensive.

This might be too tight, and it's like "WHOA AQUA", but just to show you.

Another very "WHOA AQUA" dress. Most of my bridesmaids are fair skinned, this might be too bright.

I like this one and it's cheap. My bridesmaids are all thin, so that helps.

They are going to vote on the cheapest one, I know it, so I am glad I like that lace one. :)

This photo was taken by Michael Leslie.

Ok, so, Matt's marriage was annulled and I am the happiest person alive. I really, REALLY wanted a Catholic wedding and a Catholic marriage, and now I can, he can, and his ex can too. EVERYONE IS HAPPY! Except... gay people, but I really feel in my heart of hearts that this will change some day. I am meeting with a priest on Monday at this ultra-liberal West Village church (they have a Catholic Lesbians group, which made my heart burst into rainbows), and I really can't wait. I plan on doing a soul dump.

I have been living such a selfish, self-serving life, I haven't done volunteer stuff in a year, and I feel horrible about it. I haven't done much prayer or anything to connect with that part of me either. It's an empty way to live, for me. So I think he'll have suggstions. I would love to connect volunteer work with getting involved in the church again. I would love to ACT like I care about the greater good instead of just SAYING that I do - like the rich Tribeca yuppie that I am terrified to realize I am slowly becoming.

Anyway, so that is on track, and I am talking to two photographers. One is too expensive ($5000), but he has shot in the aquarium so many times, was very responsive, and was recommended by the aquarium itself. He shot the photo I attached to this post. I am worried about the low lighting and the reflective tanks. I want a good, seasoned photographer that isn't expensive... impossible? I hope not. I found a couple that has also shot in the aquarium who will do it for $3,300, which is more than I wanted to spend, but I DO get TWO photographers for the price. I am going to check out their stuff next weekend. Wish me luck.

I also found the woman that I want to do my hair, and I am going to set up a trial soon. My plan is to have this whole wedding planned by fall, and NFL kickoff. I think I can do it, I've had a year of sitting on my thumbs, waiting for the annullment and just looking at things, so I already know what I want. I just have to find the person to get it to me - for the right price.

I am paying $1000 for my wedding dress. I can do it.

A fatal attraction to cuteness.

OK, I am having major problems. I am about to enter into the biggest commitment of my life, something ULTRA-adult, and I am cooing over little HELLO KITTY accessories!

I can't help it guys. I've loved Hello Kitty ever since I was teeny-tiny, and my mother told me that the "K" on Hello Kitty's overalls stood for my name. (I was as self-obsessed then as I am now - I totally believed her!) I thought her name was "Miss Kitty", and I thought her FIRST name was Kate. I was wrong, but I still love her - and I love these
Tarina Tarantino bridal accessories! Obviously some of them are a bit too big and bold for my look, but even if I can't wear some of this stuff on the big day, I would love to rock this in my hair on the days leading up to it, or flash this ring at the bachlorette.

And... since no one will see it... I can really see myself wearing this under my dress. I am not doing a garter toss, so I'll get to keep it. ;-)

Man, but this stuff is expensive. Maybe best kept for the fantasies. My mom will destroy me.

Hair we are.

We could hear about the annulment ANY DAY NOW, which is exciting. It could also be in weeks, so that isn't. I am still staring at the aquarium contract, I didn't send it yet in the hopes that maybe we would find out beforehand. I have to send it this week though, and plop down our first chunk of change on a deposit. (!!)

I decided how I want my hair to look, and I'm excited. I started using the Picasa album on my gmail account to hold "inspiration" photos - I could never put such nonsense in my precious Flickr photostream - and now I have a bunch. Here is my little Bride Hair album. The young lady in the photo I've posted has the hair I like best, I hope she doesn't mind me posting her photo here. I love the way it looks with a veil, I like that it looks "special" without looking too formal... I love it.

Hair is important to me. I'm from Jersey. If anything, this is almost as big a deal as the dress.

HOT TOPIC : It suddenly feels real now that I am making a deposit.

Currently the HOT TOPIC on the knot: "Is a half-dozen rose bouquet too small for the bridesmaids? WHAT?! who cares?! I can't believe how many responses that has. Do people really feel strongly about the size of a bouquet? Seriously. Can there really be "too small"? I know there could be "too big" meaning cumbersome to carry, but will people really look at my bridesmaids and say "she should have sprung for bigger bouquets"? Man. Ps. The Knot is calling this the "HOT TOPIC", I didn't make that up.

I just came back from the gym, it's 8:45am and I am already on the knot. I can't help it. Yesterday we came back from the Ballroom, and I am signing the contract this week, most likely. I know we don't have the church yet, but Matt SWEARS I shouldn't worry, and I suppose I should listen to him because he's done this before. We are now past the annulment contention period, it should go through VERY shortly, so I suppose he's right. We still have 15 months until the wedding.

So um, I can say that we are definitely getting married in May 2009. It's real, it's happening. I can plan, and I don't have to worry. So I'm on the knot. So sue me. I'm very excited, and they have an excellent guest list tool, which I am loving. I can see who is single, who is coming with a guest, who is a child/not ordering alcohol... I can also add them to separate guest lists for the rehearsal dinner, the shower, and the bachlor/ette parties, and plus in their e-mail and street addresses. It's a great tool. I need to do a good first guest list so that Matt and I can really hammer out a budget - we are already saving, which is great, but we need to ramp it up.

But I could care less about bouquets, or flowers in general. I am not having my wedding reception next to a shark tank so that people can look at dead plants.

I have been quietly flipping out about the wedding, because I am SO stressed about the annulment. When is FINALLY going to be FINAL?! When can I start planning? Ug ug ug. I have this paniac every few days that all the Catholic churches in Philly are going to be booked for May 2009 soon. I mean, it's possible. It's a Catholic town, May is a popular month, saturday is the best day ARRRGH.

I registered at a church in the West Village, but now we are moving to Tribeca. Should I re-register? How does that work? Maybe I'll start all over gain fresh and figure this out. I sorta' want meet with a Priest on my own. Tell him my concerns, and maybe get confession so that I'm all set. WTF, this is all so confusing.

On the nonsense side of things, I like these invitations. I wish the colors were different, but I can change that, I'm sure. I like having the ocean animals on the invites, but I don't want palm trees. We are having an aquarium wedding, not a beach wedding. So I can't do that exact pattern, but I like the look. Man, letterpress is expensive. I wonder if it's really that big a deal. I like the way it feels, but come on, people don't, like, SAVE the invitations. Hey "Monkey Girl", did you see these?

My friend Kevin has a printing company, maybe I could ask him for ideas. A co-worker of mine is a grpahic designer, too. Hmmm. I guess I should stop thinking about this and work on the church stuff though. No point in thinking about invites when you can't set a date. :(

Whale pitcher

Matt is finally letting me use the computer (he's a big computer hog), so I am going crazy looking at all these links I've been saving from magazines.

I know I'll register at some place like Bed Bath and Beyond or Target (and hopefully William-Sonoma), but in my dreams I can register at a place like Jonathan Adler and get a Whale Pitcher. Or for a digital SLR camera. Or for some of the awesome stuff on this website or the MOMA store. Like, these place mats. What's your fantasy registry? I don't even know where I'd put this stuff if I was to get it. I mean, I have no room for my shoes or clothing, where am I going to put a WHALE pitcher?

Best jewelry ever.

I checked out this website, Plaza Too, after seeing these BEAUTIFUL earrings in a recent issue of In Style Weddings magazine. I want them so badly, but I guess it's not smart to purchase jewelry before the dress. I hate waiting! What if they are gone? I suppose this is game you always have to play.

I want to get these for my bridesmaids, but really just for me. Aren't they beautiful? They totally match the colors of the wedding, too. Man.

There is also tons of jewelry on this website. Like these, which have the perfect colors, or these, which have complete the ocean theme too. Man...

Being a Better Bride.

My secret 2008 New Year's resolution (which I suppose is not a secret anymore)is to "be better bride". This translates to four main areas that I want to improve before the wedding:

1.) Spend like a bride. I put a little photo of a bride in my wallet and I am keeping it there so that it reminds me that I have something big to save for whenever I spend. Also, all the money I spend on "fun" purchases (dinner, clothing, etc.)I want to match in the wedding savings. So it's like this: "$20 on a Forever 21 top? Ok, but it's really costing me $40, because I have to match it in the wedding fund." My goal is to put not a CENT of this wedding on any type of credit card, and Matt and I can totally do that if we want too.

2.) Look like a bride: To eat better, drink less (sad face) and work out more, so that my body makes me happy. Also, to get my hair trimmed, to wear sunscreen everyday, and to try and sleep more so that I look great next year. I am already failing at this, but baby steps. I know this is the hard one.

3.) FEEL like a bride. This is the big one, but the one that will come easiest to me if I change the simplest things. I need to feel like someone who is about to recieve a Sacrement. I need to feel like someone who is in touch with her religon again, and who is about to reaffirm her Faith in front of everyone she loves. I need to be open to God and accept him into my life again the way I used to. I need to stop letting politics and everything else unimportant block my heart from the way I feel about Christ and God, and all those things that I get embaressed to say in front of people. I feel like my marriage, like all things, will be much more successful with God's blessing and involvement, and I don't feel worthy of it right now. I am not doing enough to help other people. I am not even praying. I am living this totally self-centered life. It's sad, honestly. But I know how to fix it! I am going to start volunteering at my church's soup kitchen like I've been meaning to do forever, and once I am actually doing what Jesus WANTS ME TO DO AND IS ALL ABOUT, I know I'll feel closer to him. Plus, I'll be doing something within my church community, which can only be good. It's hard to find a time to pray when I barely have time to think, but I think I just have to get up earlier, go to the gym, get home, pray, and then go to work. The time to sit and think before my day can only be good for me. So that's my plan.

4.) Think like a bride. I need to do some planning. I am avoiding it, the way I avoid making many decisions (um, hello, still don't know who I am voting for), which I know is insecurity. That's kid stuff. I am supposed to be happy about this, it's supposed to fill me with joy and excitement, which it DID at first. Then I had a few bumps in the road, and I saw the costs of things, and Matt told me that I was buying too many bride magazines, and I guess I just... turned it off? I stopped thinking about it for awhile because it brought up a little anxiety. I didn't want to bore my friends with it. I didn't want people to think I was a "BRIDEZILLA". I just wanted all the planning and the wedding done. How depressing! This is SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
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Basically, It's hard to have a forced long engagement. I hate it. It's hard to get excited about something so far in the future, esp. when people around you are bored with it already. Meghan is the absolute best, and always asks me about it and buys me magazines and has ideas, and doesn't make me feel badly for being excited aout my wedding and wanting to talk about it. Not to imply that anyone else makes me feel badly, they don't, but Megahn just gives me extra attention and I like it. My sisters and mother have been great too, always sending me e-mails about things they've seen and stuff. So I have an army of attendants to help me turn this thing around and get me going.

It's also hard because I can't really plan anything until I have a set date, and I can't set a date in stone until Matt is cleared by the church. Ug! So I'm dealing with that too. I suppose if I work on these other things, It'll be OK if I wait to book a photographer and such until May or something, a year away. I just have to cross my fingers that it'll happen by May. Hope hope hope.